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戴尔卡耐基
社交大王戴尔卡耐基（1888-1955）非常了解人性，他的理念可以很好地帮助我们处理人际关系，或者做好跟人际有关的工作。下面让我们开始本期的名言学习和思考。
1. 批评与理解
Over fifty percent of marriages end in failure for one reason only: useless, heartbreaking criticism. Unreasonable behavior is the cancer that devours love. Though we all know this, unfortunately, we treat our family members worse than strangers. Marriage is a series of little things; ignoring this fact can lead to disaster in family life.
百分之五十以上的婚姻都归于失败，原因只有一个，那就是无用的、令人心碎的批评。不讲道理是吞噬爱情的癌细胞，虽然我们每个人都知道这一点，但糟糕的是，我们对待自己的家人却不及对待陌生人那样有理。婚姻是一串琐事，忽视了这个事实，就将造成家庭生活的灾难。
If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive.
如欲采蜜，勿蹴蜂房。
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
批评不但不会改变事实，反而会招致愤恨。因批评而引起的羞愤，常常使雇员、亲人和朋友的情绪大为低落，并且对应该矫正的现实状况一点好处也没有。
Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. It's much more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.
尽量去了解别人，不要用责骂的方式，尽量设身处地地去想他们为什么要这样做。这比批评责怪更有益，而且让人心生同情、忍耐和仁慈。
2. 赞赏与理解
Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose-beacons on your next visit.
在你每天的生活之旅中，别忘了为人间留下一点赞美的温馨，这一点小火花会燃起有益的火焰。
One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation.
在日常生活中，我们经常忽略的美德之一便是赞赏他人。
Everybody likes a compliment.
我们接触的世人，他们都渴望被人赞赏。
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
给他人以快乐，这是合情合理的一种美德。
There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
天底下只有一种方法可以影响他人，就是提出他们的需要，并让他们知道怎么去获得。
Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint.
成功的人际关系，在于你捕捉对方观点的能力，同时你还要兼顾你和对方的不同角度。
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own.
能设身处地为他人着想，了解别人心里想些什么的人，就永远不用担心未来。
The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
人类本质中最殷切的需求是渴望得到他人的肯定。
3. 自我提升与心理健康
Many psychological and emotional problems stem from a lack of self-identity.
很多精神和心理方面的问题，隐藏的病因往往就是他们不能保持自我。
Make the best use of your abilities. In the final analysis, all art is an expression of self.
善用你的天赋，归根究底，所有的艺术都是一种自我的体现。
Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration, and resentment.
我们的疲劳通常不是由于工作，而是由于忧虑、紧张和不快。
Psychological factors often cause more fatigue than physical labor; this is a well-known fact.
心理因素通常会比体力劳动更容易使人感觉疲劳，这已经是人尽皆知的事实了。
If you pretend to have an interest in your work, even a small amount of pretending will foster genuine interest and reduce fatigue.
如果你假装对工作有兴趣，一点点假装就会使你的兴趣成真，也可以减少你的疲劳。
You are not what you think you are; instead, you are what you think.
你所认为的并非真正的你，反倒是你怎么想，你就是什么样的人。
Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together. By changing the action, you can change the feeling.
行动似乎跟着感觉走，其实行动与感觉是并行的。如果意志控制行动，也就能间接控制感觉。
Whenever a person’s attitude changes from fear to fight, they can overcome any obstacle.
只要将一个人内心的态度由恐惧转为奋斗，就能克服任何障碍。
When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us—power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.
当我们对敌人心怀仇恨的时候，就是在付出比对方更大的力量来压倒我们自己。给他们机会控制我们的睡眠、胃口、血压、健康，甚至是我们的心情。
4. 宽恕与仁慈
If someone takes advantage of you, remove them from your list of friends, but never seek revenge.
如果有一个自私的人占了你的便宜，那就把他从你的朋友名单上除名，但千万不要想着去报复。
If you seek revenge, you will hurt yourself more than you hurt the other person.
一旦你心存报复，那对自己的伤害绝对要比对别人的大得多。
Some people's faces are covered with wrinkles or distorted because of hatred and resentment. No plastic surgery can save them; forgiveness, kindness, and love can do much more.
一些人的脸孔因为仇恨愤懑而布满了皱纹或变形，再好的整容手术都挽救不了，更远不及因宽恕、温柔、爱意所形成的容颜。
When we do good deeds, if we receive gratitude, it is an unexpected joy. If we do not receive gratitude, we should not be upset.
当我们施恩时，如果我们偶然得到了别人的感激，那是一种意外之喜。如果我们得不到这种感激，也不必为此而感到难过。
Even if someone deceives us, betrays us, stabs us in the back, or is betrayed by our closest friends, do not sink into self-pity. Instead, we can remind ourselves that these things can happen to anyone.
即使有人欺骗了我们，出卖了我们，甚至在背后捅了我们一刀，或我们被最亲近的密友背叛，那也不要坠入自怜的深渊。相反，我们正好可以提醒自己，这些事可能发生在任何人身上。
I long ago discovered that criticism is almost always futile and it always causes resentment. So instead of criticizing people, I try to figure out why they do what they do.
长久以来，我发现既然无法避免不公的批评，那我起码可以做一些更重要的事，也就是决定自己是否要受这些批评的干扰。
I want to clarify that I do not ignore all criticism, but only disregard malicious accusations.
我要交代清楚，我并非对所有的批评都置之不理，而仅仅是忽略恶意的责难。
5. 积极的生活态度
I was feeling sorry for myself because I had no money, until I met a man who had no feet. My sorrow instantly disappeared.
我正在因为自己没有钱而难过，忽然遇见一个没有双脚的人，我的难过顿时消失了。
The best doctor in the world is a balanced diet, a calm mind, and a cheerful disposition.
世上最好的医生，就是饮食有度、保持平和以及愉悦的心情。
The most important thing in life is not just to use what we have, because anyone can do that.
人生最重要的，不只是运用自己所拥有的，因为任何人都会这样做。
The real challenge is to gain from your losses. This requires true wisdom and shows your greatness.
真正重大的课题，是如何从你的损失中获益，这需要真正的智慧，也只有这样，才显示出你的雄才大略。
Only by helping others and giving our love can we overcome worry, sadness, and self-pity.
只有帮助别人，并付出我们的爱，才能克服忧虑、悲伤以及自怜。
Doing good deeds for others is not a duty, but a joy, because it increases your own health and happiness.
为别人做好事并不是一种责任，而是一种快乐，因为这能增加你自己的健康和快乐。
Action speaks louder than words; smiling at people is a duty, it shows that you like them, that they make you happy, and that you are glad to see them.
行为胜于言论，对人微笑就是一种责任，对人微笑就是向他人表明，我喜欢你，你使我快乐，我喜欢见你。
The simplest, most obvious, and most important way to gain good will is to remember names. It makes people feel important. The ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics.
一种最简单、最明显、最重要的获得好感的办法，就是记住他人的姓名，使他人感觉自己对于别人很重要。记忆姓名的能力，在事业与交际上和在政治上差不多同等重要。
6. 处理批评与避免争论
There is only one way to get the best of an argument, and that is to avoid it.
只有一种方法可以获得辩论的最大胜利，那就是尽量避免辩论。
Avoid arguments as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.
避免辩论，就像避开毒蛇和地震一样。
Disputes have cost me an enormous amount of time and money in my life.
争论，不知道是我失去了多少宝贵的时间和金钱。
Now I have learned how to avoid arguments and how to keep quiet, which has brought me many benefits.
7.心理健康与情绪管理
One symptom of not liking oneself is excessive self-criticism. Make time every day for solitude to understand yourself better.
不喜欢自己的人表现出来的症状之一便是过度自我挑剔。要每天给自己独处的时间，从而更清楚地认识自己。
In daily life, unless we can get along well with ourselves, it is difficult to expect others to enjoy being with us.
在日常生活中，除非我们能与自己好好相处，否则很难期待别人喜欢与我们在一起。
Ninety-nine percent of the things we worry about never happen. If we consider whether our worries are worthwhile based on probability, and truly stop worrying for a long time, ninety percent of our worries could be eliminated. When we fear being struck by lightning or a train accident, just think about the average probability of these events happening and realize how silly our worries are.
我们所担心的事情中有99%根本就不会发生。如果我们根据概率法则考虑一下我们的忧虑是否值得，并真正做到长时间内不再忧虑，90%的忧虑都可能消除。当我们害怕被雷电击死，害怕坐火车翻车时，只要想一想，这些事情发生的平均概率就会发现它们发生的机会太少了，而我们的这些忧虑也愚蠢得能让我们笑死。
Learn to tell yourself that a particular worry is only worth a little concern, not more. If we can set a boundary for our worries in life, we will find that life can be so joyful and happy.
学会对自己说，这件事情只值得我担一点点心，没有必要去操更多的心。如果我们能给生活中的各种忧虑画上一个到此为止的界线的话，我们会发现生活原来可以这么开心快乐。
Everyone believes that if their income could increase a little, all worries would be resolved. This is a common misconception.
大家都认为，只要我们的收入能够增多一些，那么所有的忧虑就都可以解决了，这是普遍存在的一个错误观点。
An hour of rest is not a waste of life; it can give you more time to stay alert and do more efficient work.
一个小时的休息并不是在浪费生命，它能够让你有更多的时间保持清醒，使你能够做更多清醒而有效率的事。
The first rule of preventing fatigue and worry is to rest often, before you feel tired. Any medical student will tell you that fatigue lowers the body's resistance to common colds and diseases. Any psychotherapist will also tell you that fatigue lowers your resistance to worry and fear, so preventing fatigue can also reduce worry.
防止疲劳和忧虑的第一条规则，经常休息，在你感到疲倦以前就休息。任何一个医学院的学生都会告诉你，疲劳会降低身体对一般感冒和疾病的抵抗力。任何一位心理治疗师同样会告诉你，疲劳会降低你对忧虑和恐惧的抵抗力，所以防止疲劳也就可以减少忧虑。
In a way, psychological analysis is a treatment method based on the therapeutic function of language. As long as a patient can speak, they can relieve part of their worries. This may be because after speaking out, we can see the problem more deeply and find better solutions.
从某一方面来说，心理分析就是一种以语言的治疗功能为基础的治疗方法。一个病人只要能够说话，就能够解除他心中的部分忧虑。这也许就是因为在他说出来之后，我们可以更深入地看到问题所在，能够找到更好的解决方法。
The best way to reduce worry is to talk about your problems with someone you trust. Speaking your heart out is like getting a shot of adrenaline.
减轻忧虑的最好办法，就是和你信任的人谈论你的问题，把心底的话说出来，就等于打了一针强心剂。
Worrying about insomnia can harm you more than insomnia itself. The best way to treat insomnia is to make your body tired.
为失眠症而忧虑，对你的伤害程度远远超过失眠症本身。治疗失眠症的最好办法，就是使你自己的身体达到疲劳的程度。
8. 人际关系与交流
Even the most critical and demanding people will often soften up in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener.
即使始终挑剔的人，甚至是最激烈的批评者，也常常会在一个由人耐力和同情心的静听者面前软化相扶。
If you want to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener first.
如果你希望成为一个善于谈话的人，那就先做一个喜欢倾听的人。
Remember that the person you are talking to is a hundred times more interested in himself, his wants, and his problems than he is in you and your problems.
不要忘记与你谈话的人对他自己、他的需要、他的问题比对你和你的问题要感兴趣一百倍。
The secret to success in commercial negotiation? There is no secret. Pay close attention to what the other person is saying. Nothing else makes people happier.
成功商业谈判的秘诀是什么？没有什么秘诀，专心倾听对你讲话的人正在说的内容，没有别的东西比这更使人开心了。
Many people visit a doctor when all they need is an audience.
许多人看医生只是需要一个倾听者。
If you want people to like you, remember to take interest in the other person’s interests. Talk about what they like.
如果你希望别人喜欢你，请记住了解对方的兴趣，谈论他人感兴趣的话题。
Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he would stay up late the night before, reading up on the subject he knew his guest was especially interested in.
不论罗斯福要见什么人，他总是会在来访者到来的前一个晚上抽出时间翻阅一些来访者可能会特别感兴趣的知识。
Treat others the way you want to be treated.
你要别人怎么待你，就得先怎样待别人。
You want to gain the recognition of your friends, then let them know your value.
你希望得到朋友的认同，那就需要让别人知道你的价值。
If you want to feel that you are important in the world, show concern for others.
你希望在自己的生活世界里有一种自己对别人很重要的感觉，那就先处处关心别人。
Almost every person you meet feels superior to you in some way, and the surest way to win their heart is to let them realize that you sincerely appreciate their importance.
也许你所遇见的每一个人都自以为在某些地方比你优秀，所以，打动他们内心的最好方法，就是巧妙地表现出你是衷心地认为他们很重要。
9.其它
Many men can be forgetful throughout their lives, not remembering many dates, but there are a few they cannot forget: their wife's birthday, the year, and the date of their wedding. You can forget her birthday, but you must not forget the latter.
很多男人可以糊涂一生，可以不记得许多日期，但有几个不可以忘记妻子的生日、结婚的年份及日子。你可以记不起她的生日，但切不可忘掉最后一个。
Everyone's life experience is unique. Although the genes that make up the human body are the same, each of our lives is wonderfully distinct and never the same.
每个人的生活经历都是独一无二的，尽管构成人体的基因相同，但我们每个人的生命都很奇妙地自成一体，绝不相同。
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